[-34] Waiting

In the last few days, I've been reading the archives of a blog written by a fantastic writer who goes by the name Restaurant Gal. I'll admit that I have a weakness for restaurant blogs -- WaiterRant and the like. As a somewhat seasoned veteran of the restaurant business myself (I'll have three years under my belt at a well-known international restaurant chain in November), I enjoy reading the thoughts, experiences, and reflections of other workers on the "front line," so to speak.

RG's blog gives me pause of a different sort, though. She left journalism to try being a maitre d', and along the way has also worn the hats of hostess, assistant manager, event planner, and now waitress and bartender. Since she first began as a maitre d' in DC, however, her life has faced several huge changes and she's blogged faithfully nearly every day (thus my wading through three and a half years of archives), allowing her readers to come along for the ride. After she and her husband separated, RG picked up and moved to Ft. Lauderdale all on her own after twenty-some-odd years of marriage. A year later, she escaped Ft. Lauderdale for an as-of-yet unidentified location in the Florida Keys.

This I admire. Her ability to pick up, despite heartbreak and other personal issues, and move her life elsewhere and start anew. This takes courage -- a courage I'm not 100% sure I have.

This post was going to be about my love-hate relationship with my job; after last night's shift (which I picked up on my day off, by the way) I had a hundred and six things I wanted to put out there. Instead, I'm going to take this moment and admit something I'm not sure I want to:

I am terrified.

Granted, I am not starting my life anew in Australia. I'm simply spending a semester there and hoping to learn some new and interesting things, and to meet some new and interesting people. But even so, as always when going someplace new, I'm afraid that I won't like it there, I'm afraid I won't know anyone or make any friends. I'm afraid that the classes will over my head, that I won't be able to keep up. I'm afraid to live on my own -- at Denison at least I knew who my roommate would be, who would be living down the hall or in the next building. I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job, or, worse yet, that I won't be able to find my way around this unfamiliar city I'll be living in for five months.

All of these things scare me.

But for now, I'm reading about how this incredible woman I've never met managed to do it, and hoping, and praying, that I will be able to do it too, and letting the excitement take over rather than psyching myself out too much. And I'm waiting -- waiting tables, waiting for this next great adventure to begin...waiting for the fears to be proven groundless.