[-44] Still in Kansas

It's a cool, dark night in New Jersey. After the somewhat violent thunderstorm we had earlier today I guess it could only be expected. Still, my room is warm, so my windows are wide open, letting in some of the fresh night air.

I'm not really sure what compelled me to write here tonight. I've had this blog set up for a while in anticipation of the great adventure I hope will begin in July, but I've been putting off writing the inaugural post. Maybe I'm not sure what could possibly serve as an adequate introduction to the experiences which lie in store. But sitting on my bed here in Jersey seems as good a start as any, on this cool early-summer evening when I have no real need or motivation to do anything else.

I feel a bit as if I'm in limbo, like I'm waiting for life to begin, almost. Well. That might be a little bit dramatic. Even so, I'm trying to enjoy life in the States, unfettered by schoolwork or the characteristic drama of Denison life. But every morning when I wake up I lay in bed for a few minutes and contemplate the fact that, in a mere month and a half, I won't be staring at this same ceiling, and I won't be heading off to classes high on the hill that I love.

Rather, I'll be flying halfway around the world to a land and people and a life I don't know, to see what they can teach me, about music, about politics and government, about life itself -- and, perhaps, what I can teach them. Maybe I'm being too Pollyannish about this whole experience. Still, if I can't be optimistic about studying abroad, what can I be optimistic about? The truth is that I have no idea what to expect when I get to "Oz".

I guess that's the excitement of it all, but I'm trying not to let it pass me by too quickly. No-one could ever accuse me of being a patient person, but there are things to which I'm looking forward between now and July 9th, as well. My sister graduates from high school on June 16; my dear friend and former voice teacher will be married on June 20th. Following that, my family is leaving for a two-week-long vacation in Florida, during which I'll celebrate my 20th birthday (and the official end of my teenage years) on the 29th. There are many things I'd like to do, people I'd like to see, before I take off. Time well-spent is the best way to pass time, I think.

But still -- for today, the magic number: 44.

even now i feel its heat upon my skin
a life of passion, that pulls me from within
a life that i am aching to begin
there must be somewhere i can be
astonishing...